The Moments that Matter... Showing People You Love Them
I’m Alex, and I run The Tailors. You’ll see me (the blonde!) in most of our videos, and can read more about me in the ‘About Us’ page. I write the majority of our personalised pieces, arrange most of our medleys, and perform in most of our surprises. And I write a lot of our blog posts - normally very happy ones!
But this month is different. This month I’m having a hard time, because my beloved Grandad Chris died on Saturday.
A classic Eastender through and through, he’d been the funniest, most vibrant, and LOUDEST person in our small family unit, forever. We didn’t just love him, we LIKED him - he was a joy to be around. His death has devastated us all, despite him being 91. Even though we knew it was coming, genuinely nothing can prepare you for losing someone you love so dearly.
Grief is a funny thing. It makes you analyse a lot of your choices, interactions, and decisions, whilst that person was alive. The finality of it doesn’t hit you until the moment that person is truly gone, and the brain really struggles to cope with that heaviest thump of a realisation. I saw his number in my contacts yesterday and thought, I’m never going to hear his voice again. It made me sob my heart out.
So… what does this have to do with surprises? It just so happens that earlier this month, I orchestrated a big surprise for a woman called Beverly. She is facing terminal breast cancer, and the awful reality is, that at 56, she’s probably seen her last Christmas. Her family reached out via our ‘Surprise Someone’ initiative, and as soon as I read the application, I just knew we had to make something happen for her.
The video of the flash mob for the unique and vibrant Bev, unsurprisingly, went viral around the world. And the comments were overwhelmingly positive, kind, and emotional. It really struck a chord with a lot of people - and I know how much it meant, not only to Bev herself, but to her family, who are facing the horrific reality of someday soon losing her. Because it helped them show her how much she’s loved. It’s not always easy to show people, or tell them, how you feel. But it’s SO IMPORTANT - because we never know when we might lose someone. It might be unexpected, and trust me, even when it isn’t, you wish you had more time. Had done more.
When my Grandad first started showing signs of dementia, I realised that I might soon lose some of the best parts of him, and the ability to communicate. So I did something I’ve done with so many clients over the years, but never my own family - I did a ‘consultation’ with him, asking tons of questions, to gather information about his life, past, loves, jobs, extended family, and favourite things. It was amazing to learn about his childhood, how he met and married my Nan, the jobs he’d had both in the UK and abroad. The different time he lived through. And the music and films he loved (later, that would come in useful, when at his bedside, for comfort).
I also wrote him a letter, a very personal one, about how I felt about him. About how he filled up my childhood memories with laugher, unseen spiders and pigeons (all called ‘Charlie’), games to make me eat my carrots, and Arsenal singalongs. He read it after I’d left that day, and kept it by his side in a folder ever since. I wrote a poem the following year, a funnier take on his life, drawing info from the consultation I’d done.
These steps I took to show my love for him, are a great comfort to me now. I did them in my own way, and I’m positive he knew how much he meant to me.
Here are some ideas of ways you could let someone know how much they mean to you;
1. Write them a letter / a card. It’s easy, it doesn’t cost anything, and you can say everything you want to say - and they can keep it. Think about what you would tell them if you knew that tomorrow you’d never see them again. Say it now. If you’re not the writing kind, consider sending a voice note.
2. Write them a poem or a song - if you’re more creative, this can be a fun way of expressing your love - even if you’re not the most talented, your person will massively appreciate the effort!
3. Turn up. Show up at their door. Check in, make some time. Let them know you’re thinking of them.
4. Celebrate them just because. I got married in 2024, and in 2025 I surprised my husband with a ‘Happy Husband Day’. Totally random - he got silly gifts, a lovely card, and a dinner date. He loved it. You don’t need to wait for a birthday to do something wonderful for someone. I’m going to make Happy Husband Day a regular but random day every year!
5. Make a video. During COVID we made videos and slideshows for people’s birthdays because we couldn’t see them - sometimes this was so touching, I thought, it’s a shame we don’t do this normally! Maybe we should.
If you have any more ideas of ways of expressing yourself, let me know in the comments. And, I should also probably say, this being The Tailors blog, that if you need help expressing how you feel and would like to do that with some Tailors rewrites and music, do let us know.
Whichever way is right for you, I would highly encourage you to find ways to show the people in your life, how you feel. Even ones you don’t see very often (especially them, perhaps!). Don’t ever assume people know. Don’t you always find it funny, how the nicest words about someone are spoken normally after they’ve died, at their funeral? How sad, that person doesn’t get to be there to hear, to cry, to hug.
Soak up all the tears, the hugs, the laughs, whilst you can. Open up, be vulnerable, think outside the box to show your loved ones you care. Because really, they are all we have.